Prayer Journals - Finding Peace on the Journey

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”   Matthew 11:28-30

Those of us who are raising children with special needs know many places that those who are raising typically developing children cannot know.  We have many more worries and concerns for our children.  We spend an enormous amount of time in physician’s offices, deal with multiple health crises, interact with insurance companies, see that our children receive therapies they need, deal with challenging behaviors, IEPs…

The list goes on and on.

Friends and acquaintances often wonder how we do it all.  I know you know the downward glance and the lateral shaking of heads – and sometimes wonder the same thing.

How do we do it?

We do - we do it as best we can at any given moment.

Not one of us is SuperMom. You might be wearing your SuperMom mask and cape but I know your heart.  I understand your struggles.  I wear the mask and cape too.

We wring our hands in worry.  

We tend to ruminate about our present circumstances and about future unknowns.

We often have trouble sleeping.

We may suffer bouts of depression.

We often stumble, fall and weep in our weakness.

But you won’t see it.  It usually happens when no one is watching.

In our struggles, we often forget that we are not alone.  We forget to consult the One who walks with us every moment of every day.

In our weary, overwhelmed state, we cannot see, hear or feel our Lord’s presence.

We are blind to the One who longs to offer us comfort in the midst of our suffering and the chaos that swirls around us.

Rest assured, He waits for you.  He longs to carry your burden.  

In love, He wants you to give it all to Him.

People often wonder just how to accomplish such a task.   I admit I found it a daunting task too.  But I have a tool that I use which has really helped me to see that it is possible.

Mine is a small spiral notebook which goes everywhere with me.  You won’t know it is special.  You won’t know it carries much of my heart unless I divulge its secret.

I call this little notebook my prayer journal.  The contents are what I have given over to God.  It is a tangible reminder that I am never alone.   It is immediately available just like our Lord is and it waits to hear my heart just like He does.

It is a tool that I can refer back to and see just how God is working in my life, the lives of my husband and children and in the lives of those I pray for every day.

I also find it helps me seek better ways to glorify Him along the journey.  It makes me thoughtful about my words and actions for in the end, I must be held accountable.

In my prayer journal, I record the ways in which my children with and without special needs minister to others, make a difference in this world and glorify God in the process.

It holds my failings too.  It is my safe place to pour out my mistakes, my grievances, and my pain.

The beauty of this prayer journaling is that as I write I know He hears and I can then let go. 

My burden is lightened, if not lifted, and I am free to take on whatever comes my way.

I started quite simply with three columns in my journal -  a simple plan for a simple girl.  The first column was a date for the initial petition, the second for the petition and the third for thanksgivings.  As I really began to see the works of God in my life it grew.  My prayer life began to expand along with a deepening awareness of the Lord’s presence in my daily walk.

My prayer journal started out as a tool and has become a gift.  What started out as a way to a more focused prayer life has become the way to give the Lord my burdens and my sins.  It has become a place where I know profound gratitude for all I am blessed with and by in relationship with Him.

A little nondescript notebook transformed to a place where I know the love and mercy that springs from an ever-growing intimacy with Christ.  This anxious mother and wife transformed into one who trusts the Lord in all things, has confidence in His plan and knows the peace which passes all understanding.

 I walk in amazing grace - to God be the glory.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”   Phil 4:6-7

Journey to Acceptance

"The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord?"  Exodus 4:11

Some parents have difficulty with the miracle before them.

A miracle imperfect in their eyes

But a miracle made perfect in the eyes of God

Most come immediately

Recognizing Love

In the miracle

Many find

Grief swiftly descends

Then rapidly departs

Only to reappear periodically

Some come slowly

Their grief intense

Gradually fading

With sporadic resurfacing

A few struggle

Grief unabating

Wrestling with societal demons

Refusing to accept

What their heart sees

As imperfect

In the end

Most will know

As Purpose revealed

Finding Grace sufficient 

Love wins

The imperfect

Reaches perfection

In Love

Everyday Heroes

Who are the people you admire and respect?

Those on the cover of People Magazine?

Those who obtain financial success?

Those who boast of their wonderful deeds and service as they ladle soup into bowls?

We live in a culture which has a star mentality.

Nobody really wants to hear the stories of everyday heroes.

Few can tolerate the reality that many families face.

A reality that knows great suffering

Yet knows greater love

How about those parents who tend to their precious little ones receiving chemotherapy?

How about the parents who labor in love with their child who cannot talk, walk or feed themselves?

How about the parents who advocate over and over and over for the child who has no voice.

How about the parents who adopt and rescue children from poverty, sickness and despair?

How about the parents who must hand their child back to the Creator after serious illness?

Parents who struggle

Parents who weep

Because they love

And understand the call before them

Heroes who give beyond their own brokenness

 

Who walk in grace

Infused with Divine strength

        

Few will have their story told or make the cover of any magazine. 

 

They will never receive a medal for their service

Heroes just the same

Heart Work

As I sat with other moms who have children with special needs last night, I pondered how our lives were different from those raising typically developing children.  Specifically, about the extraordinary heart work that burdens us at times.

They ponder difficult questions -  questions that most parents do not have to entertain for our children of significant intellectual disabilities.

Our children: 

Most likely will never live alone.

Most won’t drive a car.

They are more susceptible to others who would take advantage of them in evil ways.

The list goes on and on…

We still have dreams and hold on to the dreams of our children.

…and fears for their future.

As a group we ponder the questions:

What am I going to do when…

How will I handle this…

What about those who do not understand…

Tough questions with nebulous answers if any.  We will do our best with what we have to work with and the hope that the hand of God is displayed in our response.

We understand what the future holds to a certain degree.  We grieve and rejoice.  There are tears and laughter.

We are secure in knowing that the Lord will provide what He desires for our loved ones to complete their ministry on earth.

Yet our fears remain out of our own brokenness and the brokenness of the world.

I am honored to know these women.  I am blessed by their transparency and their profound faith.

For the reader who is isolated and feeling alone on this journey as the parent or caretaker of an individual with special needs please find a community in which you can share and be encouraged and strengthened for the journey.

Here is a great place to start

Not Alone - Where Special Parents Find Community 

Staring

We've had our fair share of stares. I do try to handle staring so that everyone keeps their dignity --- including me!

I found this article by Judy Winter, excerpted from her book, Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations insightful so I thought I would share. When you have a child with a 'visible' disability staring can be disconcerting to all.