Different Dream Parenting by Jolene Philo

As you may recall, I have a passion for ministry alongside those with special needs.  As part of my research into this ministry, I have acquired quite the library.  Early on, I read Jolene Philo's book, A Different Dream for My Child  -  Meditations for Parents of Critically or Chronically Ill Children.  I was amazed by the attention to detail in the recollections of the author and those who generously contributed their stories.  Each chapter is short (important to those in crisis with short attention spans), introduced by Scriptural references and closes with prayer.  This  book which offers insights and practical advice as well as comfort for those in the early stages of their journey with a child with special needs.

Recently, I was given a copy of Jolene's new book, Different Dream Parenting - A Practical Guide to Raising a Child with Special Needs. Every parent of a child with special needs should read this book!

This book offers advice and insights from the time diagnosis through young adulthood.  Different Dream Parenting shows us how to walk with God as we deal with the diagnosis, parenting the chronically/critically ill child, marriage and family life, dealing with extended family, working with healthcare professionals, managing the school years, emotional sequelae to multiple, serious procedures, planning the future of the child with special needs...and even the death of a child.

As the parent of two children with significant special needs, I know that many times along the journey I did not know what I needed -- and was often confused as to what might be in the best interest of my child.

Have you ever been so tired,  lost and confused that you didn't have the energy or know what to pray?  Different Dream Parenting offers spiritual comfort and practical, important ways to pray.- with prayers sprinkled throughout the book and seven prayer guides in the appendix.


I think my favorite part of the book deals with dispelling and defeating guilt - an almost universal condition after a diagnosis that indicates a child with have special life-long needs whether they be physical, emotional or intellectual.

"Believing God has a purpose for you and your child on this special needs journey is another way to combat guilt.  In Exodus 4:11, God says, 'And who do you think made the human mouth?  And who makes some mute, some deaf, some sighted, some blind?  Isn't it I, God?'

"According to Exodus 4:11, God created your child with a special need.  Therefore, He has a reason for it.  Maybe He's already revealed what it is.  Maybe He's given you only the faintest inkling.  Maybe you're still waiting for His purpose to be revealed. But your weapon against guilt isn't how much you understand about God's purpose.  Your weapon is a rock hard belief that He has a divine purpose your you child, whether or not you understand what it is."

Though there is no guide to living with a child with special needs that will address all the intricacies that come with the diagnosis and life with a child with special needs, Jolene's book sheds much light on the journey whether you are in crisis or in a more stable place on the journey.  Different Dream Parenting is a practical, thoughtful and insightful guide which offers much food for thought.   As one who has traveled the path dealing with children with special needs for a very long time, I recognize this book for the gem it is - a must read for the journey!

Jolene blogs at Different Dream for My Child where you can find out more about her books.

Christmas - Emmanuel - God With Us

Almighty God,

You have made this night holy but the gift of your son,

born of the Holy Spirit and of Mary.

Upon him rested all your grace,

through him has come all your mercy.

Let His light shine within our hearts tonight

and even more brightly than is shines 

from the candles in this place.

Help us to hear your word

and to celebrate your everlasting love through him.

Amen

(Author Unknown)

The Nativity in Movies

Need an escape from the hustle and bustle?  Take some time to watch The Nativity in Movies! 

This film is a compilation of nine films from 1905 - 2006 depicting the portrayal of the birth of Christ.   Though this compilation primarily revolves around The Nativity Story (2006) starring Keisha Castle-Hughes and Oscar Isaac, pivotal points are emphasized by older versions of the story in film.  It is set to contemporary music with a wonderful balance between the dialog and music. 

Here are some fun facts about The Nativity Story

I know it is hard to find the time  (a little over and hour long) this time of year but the film is so worthwhile as we remember the Reason for the season!

Advent in Two Minutes

Advent and The Sanctity of Life

As we prepare our hearts for the coming of the newborn King in the season of Advent, let us consider the Christ child growing in Mary's womb and what a precious gift He is to us.  He came, born of woman, to bring salvation to all who believe.  

Powerful.

His message is one of love, not of destruction.  His message is life-giving, not killing.  His message is one of redemption and eternal life, not slavery to sin and damnation.

God creates us in love, for love.

Love doesn't kill unborn babies. 


All life is precious.

Anglicans For Life is asking for our commitment to pray during Advent for the sanctity of life:

Lord God, thank you for creating human life in your image. 

Thank you for my life and the lives of those I love. 

Thank you for teaching us through Scripture the value you place on life. 

Help me to uphold the sanctity of life in my church and community. 

Give me the strength to stand up to those forces that seek to destroy the lives of those most vulnerable, the unborn, the infirm and the elderly. 

Today I commit myself never to be silent, never to be passive, never to be forgetful of respecting life. I commit myself to protecting and defending the sacredness of life according to Your will, through Christ our Lord.

AMEN.

Anglicans for Life is an organization dedicated to ending abortion and euthanasia, protecting embryos from research abuse, and promoting abstinence and adoption.  You can follow them on facebook and twitter or go to their website to sign up for e-mail updates and/or print newsletter.

As an avid supporter of sanctity of life issues, I was shocked to learn in the July issue of the Anglicans for Life newsletter the following facts:

3% of abortions are "for the health of the mother"  I'm not sure how health of the mother is defined since it really is a nebulous term.  It can be somewhat subjective and/or prejudiced by the situation...and perhaps the medical professional giving advice as most maternal health situations allow a baby to mature to viability.

1% of abortions are due to rape/incest. 

3% of abortions are due to "health of the child" after genetic testing reveals a genetic abnormality -- and we know that 90 plus percent of children with Down syndrome are terminated...

93% of abortions are those of convenience - also known as elective.  74% of those are pressured by others to seek abortion.

What a tragedy.  I'm sure God weeps as He watches His children murder innocents...

.

Advent - Preparing for the Master's Return

As we all well know, Advent is a time of preparation for the coming of the Christ child, God incarnate,  and a time of preparation for the second coming of our Lord.  It is a season of quiet anticipation, a season of hope.  It is also a penitential season - though the post-modern culture doesn't like to make much of a fuss about preparing our hearts and souls.  On the first Sunday in Advent, we heard the words of Jesus according to St. Mark:

"But of that day or that hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.  Take heed, watch, for you do not know when the time will come.  It is like a man going on a journey, when he leaves home and puts his servants in charge, each with his work, and commands the doorkeeper to be on the watch. Watch therefore -- for you do knot know when the master of the house will come, in the evening, or at midnight, or a cockcrow, or in the morning -- lest he come suddenly and find you asleep.  And what I say to you I say to all:  Watch." (Mark 13:32-37, ESV)

Serious words.  Urgent words...

Though awake, are my heart and soul asleep?  Is my work done?   Am I ready for the Master's return?

As I ponder the preparations for the great celebration of Christmas (decorating, baking, shopping, etc.), I must make it my priority to prepare my heart and soul for the Master's return.  He really won't care about the trees, the wreath, the mantle or the cookies.  He cares about our  love for Him, our commitment to living out His Word -  as we seek to love one another, meet the needs of the sick, the poor, the needy and make Him know to others.

So, I must set my heart in order and live out my priorities.  The decorations, baking and shopping can wait until the real work is done.  Spending time in keeping Advent,  time in His Word, fasting, searching my heart for things that need to change and service to those in need have a great deal more urgency  and relevance in the eyes of God.

Please visit Kerry, at A Ten O'Clock Scholar, as she hosts the Nativity Carnival - Keeping Advent  through  Epiphany.

Seventeen

Happy Birthday Reagan!

What an amazing journey!

How blessed I am to walk alongside this young lady...

Every day I know unconditional love 

and
 

Joy beyond comprehension

Thank you Father for this gift

Know widely as your messenger here on earth

She draws others like a magnet to Your promises

Pointing all to Your heavenly kingdom

Where peace,  love and joy flow freely

To know her is to know You better

I'm honored to be her mom

The Road Less Traveled...

Even as homeschooling becomes more mainstream, people are shocked when I tell them I homeschool Reagan, my almost 17 y.o. with Down syndrome.  Most really have a hard time understanding how a mom can educate their child with significant special needs.  They have a hard time understanding why I would even contemplate taking on the task!

I have always tried to make decisions for my children based on their best interests.  Homeschooling was/is the best choice for them. Period.

I know longer defend our choice nor bother to explain it unless someone has a sincere interest.

The less traveled homeschooling road has had some challenges but as we look to the end of the road I only see great joy and beauty in what we have accomplished.  The interesting thing is others see it too...


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Blog Makeover

With GREAT trepidation, I gave my blog a makeover!  All.  By.  Myself!

I love the simple new look!  I love the ease of use of the updated blogger.  I got the courage to take the big step after starting two other blogs:

Special Needs, Special Blessings - Ministry Alongside Individuals with Special Needs

and

Christmas With Amy

Let's see how I keep up with three blogs when I wasn't doing all that well with one!

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When You Can't Find God

 I had a friend come to me recently lost in despair.  She had suffered a great insult which causes her untold pain.  She is grieving the loss of something big in her life.  The details are not important but her pain is very real - so real that she can't find God in the midst of her despair.

I'm not sure why she came to me but she sees me as someone who is safe.  She is a devoted Christian, someone I admire greatly for her ability to show Christ to others -- and she came to me.  It was quite a humbling experience for me for I know I don't have any answers.

I am grateful that she let me share in the depths of her despair.  It is never an easy thing to join intimately in that place that is so full of angst, a place where God is but in our pain we can become blind to His presence.

 What does a Christian do when you can't find God?

Continue to pray.  Even when you can't find God, go through the motions and keep the dialogue going.    There are times in everyone's life where we don't feel the loving presence of God.  We know we are His creation - beloved and cherished children of God.  We are so special to Him that the hairs on our heads are numbered!  We must keep talking and listening with Him...and look for the ways He displays His presence.  We can believe despite the lack of feeling His presence.

Commit your daily walk to Him.  Leave a sticky note on the bathroom mirror that says "Lord, I desire to walk with you today."  When you get up in the morning and brush your teeth, read the sticky note out loud.  When you can't feel His presence, understand He will never leave you.

Put on the Armor of God.  Seriously. Satan senses our weakness in our painful state. I suggest you print this prayer out and tape it the above mirror.  To allow evil to enter into the healing process is to delay it significantly and perhaps forever.

Resolve to spend time in His Word.  Even when the pain you are experiencing leaves you exhausted and weak, open your Bible for new insights and words of comfort in the place where He speaks to us. A few minutes a day will be of great encouragement.  I pray you will find yourself called more and  more to that time with Him in His Word.

Make a decision for forgive.  A rational decision to forgive those who cause us pain is the first step to healing.  Make the decision, ask God to help you - even when you can't find Him.  He will direct your path despite the wall of pain you find yourself surrounded by.

Ask forgiveness.  Sometimes our pain is the result of our own sins.  Confession and absolution great healers.


Give God your pain.  How does one do this?  It is no easy task - I know from experience.  So often we want to hold onto that pain - our little hurts and our big hurts.  Sometimes our hurts are associated with the death of a loved one and we cling to it as if we were clinging to the one we lost.  We know are injured and weak.  Begin with your thoughts in prayer - "Lord, I give you my burden.  It is much to heavy for me.  I need to rest in You." 

Some things needs to be wrestled with in our relationship with God. Sometimes, we can't find God because of our anger with Him.  When there is no one else to blame, we often blame and become angry with God.  Why did He allow this injury/pain to afflict to me?  He is ready for you!  Yell, scream,rant and rage at and with Him.  He is big enough and loves you enough that He is ready to listen and surround you with comfort, strength, and healing.

Trusted friends are vital.  God gives us friends to love and support us on our earthly journeys - to pray with us and for us, to bless us with their ears, hearts and hugs.  When you can't find God, let a friend share His love for you.

Seek prayer support.  Not everyone needs to know the details but surround yourself with prayers and pray-ers.  God knows your needs so ask others to pray for you  and your unspoken needs.

Talk to your pastor.  Pastors can be immensely helpful in counseling your way back to spiritual health and wholeness.  If your pastor isn't gifted in pastoral care (yes, it can happen) an experienced Christian counselor can be helpful.

Knowing and believing are enough. When we can't  find God on our Christian walk it leads to greater suffering and spiritual distress.  As Christians, we believe in the reality of His presence.   He is there.  He surrounds you with comfort and healing.  Our pain can make us feel separated from God but we know that is impossible.

Know and believe and the ability to feel His presence will return.  I know...



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