Saturday, February 18, 2012

Pondering Lent

It is hard for me to believe that Lent is upon us!  As I was researching for my yearly Lenten Examination of Conscience I ran across this lovely poem:

Repentance

Lord, I confess my sin is great:
          Great is my sin. Oh! gently treat
With thy quick flower, thy momentary bloom ;
                    Whose life still pressing
                    Is one undressing,
          A steady aiming at a tomb.
          Man's age is two hours' work, or three;
          Each day doth round about us see.
Thus are we to delights: but we are all
                    To sorrows old,
                    If life be told
          From what life feeleth, Adam's fall.
          O let thy height of mercy then
          Compassionate short-breathed men,
Cut me not off for my most foul transgression:
                    I do confess
                    My foolishness;
          My God, accept of my confession.
          Sweeten at length this bitter bowl,
          Which thou hast pour'd into my soul;
Thy wormwood turn to health, winds to fair weather;
                    For if thou stay,
                    I and this day,
          As we did rise, we die together.

by George Herbert 1593-1633

I am going to use this Lenten Examination of Conscience by Marianne Dorman as a tool for my personal Lenten experience this year.  It is based on the Beatitudes of which I am quite fond.

Do you make this a practice?  What are you using?

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Considering Homeschooling Your Child with Special Needs?


Parents begin considering homeschooling their child with special needs via a variety of paths.  

Many have homeschooled their children from the beginning.  They seem to be born with a homeschooling heart.


Some are called to it because of their child with special needs.  They understand that the system cannot effectively deal with their child’s special needs to ensure the child learns and grows into the best he/she can be.


Some begin because of difficulties with the school system.  They may be disappointed in their child’s progress.   Some even remove their children emergently because the situation is intolerable for their child.


I’ve listened to them all as they open their hearts and share their stories.  There is one common thread which runs through every parent’s mind as they consider the options.

Anxiety


The discernment period is a time filled with anxiety.  They worry if they can take on such an immense responsibility and do it well.  Even the veteran homeschooling mom experiences anxiety and doubt!


And it is normal.


We all want what is best for our children.  We, more than any system, care about our child’s outcome and will work harder to overcome challenges our children face.  


We all want what is best for our family.  We must consider how the decision to homeschool our child with special needs will affect our other children and spouse. Most homeschooling families naturally incorporate the child with special needs but some don't.  They fear that they cannot meet their child's special educational and/or therapeutic needs.  They worry that homeschooling their child with special needs may affect the education of their typical children.  There may be concerns that the perceived extra burden they are considering may cause increased marital stress. 


The discernment period is a time of prayer. 


We pray that the Holy Spirit will guide us as we do the research needed to make an informed decision.  We need to know as much as possible about our child’s diagnosis and how it affects growth and development – and overall learning.


We pray for others to walk alongside us - listen and share their knowledge and wisdom.  Fortunately, as the number of those  homeschooling their children  has grown, so has the number of those homeschooling children with special needs.  The support is there whether it be local or via the internet.  You will find others to work alongside you during the discernment period.

You might meet some of those people who I know as encouragers and friends.  Most I will never meet in real life but I consider them life-long friends.  We have walked with each other, celebrated with each other and cried together.

What you will learn


In the discernment period, you will come to know that you will be your child’s best teacher.  You know him/her better than anyone else. You have been his/her teacher from birth.  Homeschooling is a natural extension of parenting.


You will learn that homeschooling will not cure your child.  Homeschooling can provide a more optimal learning environment – one in which the child is safe, is encouraged and loved - learns and grows to be the best he or she can be.  In cases of significant challenges, this can be of utmost importance.

You will learn that homeschooling is not the easiest option though some might consider it to be so.  No more IEPs, BIPs, no more struggles to fight for services…


It is a lifestyle that requires perseverance and fortitude. It will challenge and grow you.  It is not for the weak of heart.  There will be tough days.  There may be tough seasons – but isn’t it so as we educate our typically developing children?

As you begin


Your anxiety dissipates.

You will find this path brings great rewards and untold amounts of joy.  There is nothing more rewarding than watching your child  overcome challenges as they master a new task or incorporate a difficult concept.

You learn what it means to walk by faith, not by sight, trusting the Lord will provide!


As I look at my sunset years as a homeschooling mom, I know the path we chose was right for us, good for our children, and the best choice for Reagan - our daughter with Down syndrome.  I have been blessed beyond my dreams by our homeschooling adventure.  I can see how God called me to this, the road less traveled, and then answered prayers as He guided us to fulfill His will for our family.


If He leads us to the road less traveled as a homeschooling family, He will guide us through it and we glorify Him in the process.


I am in awe of what He has accomplished in our family – especially in me.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

She's Not One of Us...




Words spoken by my  family

Parent, siblings to all they can reach

No, they aren’t talking about my daughter

Unique, Born to love

And not like them

They are talking about me

Rejected by those who are supposed to love and support

But instead seek to hurt and destroy

My crime?

Striving for holiness

In my brokeness

I choose good over evil

I choose love over hate

I choose joy over sorrow

I choose optimism over pessimism

I choose kindness over sarcasm

I choose peace over destruction

I choose quiet over gossip 

I choose authentic over mocking

I choose healing over bitterness

Not perfectly, but imperfectly me

Thankful that I am not like them

 I’ve always known

To whom I belong

A child of God

An object of my Father's love

Healed and transformed

New everyday

In His unceasing love

Monday, February 6, 2012

Dear Caregiver


I wrote this several years ago for Reagan’s first extended time away from home.  I think she was about ten when she went to church camp for the first time.   I wasn’t sure how well-schooled her camp counselor might be in dealing with a child with special needs so I tried to briefly cover some bases to assist the counselor and ensure that Reagan had the best experience possible.


I broke down my concerns and what might be important for the counselor to know into various categories.  I tried to make it simple and easy to read so as not to be overwhelming to someone who might not know the lingo that we all come to know as the parent of a child with special needs.


Interestingly enough, her first camp counselor turned out to be a special education teacher who has a heart for children with Down syndrome.  What a blessing that week was for all of us!


I think this format would be easy to adapt to many other situations where the caregiver or  volunteer might not be comfortable without knowing a little something about our kiddos with special needs such as Sunday School, youth group or other youth activities.

Dear ______, 


Reagan is excited about spending time with you and wants you to know a few things about her.


Reagan has Down syndrome.  Children with Down syndrome have cognitive delays, speech and language delays and physical challenges.  In getting to know Reagan, the following might be helpful:


Personhood


Reagan has Down syndrome but it doesn’t define her.  She is a child first.  She has the same dreams and desires as other children.  She wants to do and participate with others without a great deal of attention drawn to her or her special needs.  Treat her as you treat all other children.


Safety


Of  utmost importance is safety.  Children with Down syndrome are known for wandering off in the blink of an eye.  It is important to have a pair of eyes trained on her as she participates in individual and group activities.  You might expect her to wander if she is bored, if the activity is too loud/overstimulating or if she is upset.


Reagan may make unwise decisions and needs to be watched closely in new situations – and redirected/corrected as necessary.

Developmental Age


Though Reagan is __, her developmental age is younger.  The most important element of her younger developmental age is that she is a concrete thinker.   Therefore, communication should be conducted in a concrete manner - simple, familiar (but not babyish) language with shorter, concise sentence structure.  Idioms, figures of speech and slang are often meaningless to her.


Speech and Language

Reagan has wonderful language skills and can express her wants and needs quite well.  She understands more than she can say.


Reagan’s speech can be difficult to understand at times.  Ask her to slow down and try again and she usually corrects any errors. 


Memory


Reagan has trouble with her short-term memory.  Repeat rules or commands as necessary.  Her long-term memory is excellent.  Once she knows you and loves you, you will be her best friend forever.


Processing


Reagan may not fully understand what you want from her at times - especially in new situations.  If necessary, simplify, repeat, and/or rephrase requests. 


Behavior


Reagan is generally compliant but has some stubborn moments.  It helps to verbalize expectations and what needs to be done.  Reagan will not understand most nonverbal cues unless they are specifically taught.  For example, most children respond to gentle shoulder pressure to move along.  Reagan will not understand unless you verbalize your expectations at the given moment.


She may need longer to transition to a new activity unless she is aware of how the day will go.  A few minutes before transition to remind her of what is coming next should help immensely.


To encourage compliance:
1.       Insist on eye contact when speaking to her
2.       Keep language simple and straightforward
3.       Simplify, rephrase and/or repeat instructions as needed
4.       Have her repeat what you told her if necessary


Negative consequences are generally ineffective with Reagan.  Gentle, persistent encouragement is most effective as is “1, 2, 3 magic.”

If Reagan is bored or tired, she may enter into her imaginary world.  It is preferable for her to stay in the real world but sometimes she needs a break from the demands of stressful (above her developmental level) situations.


Social


Reagan is a very social child and loves being around people.  She is occasionally socially inappropriate.


She loves to hug others.  “High fives” or a handshake should be encouraged instead of hugs.


Violating the personal space of others is common.   We use the term “personal space bubble” when referring to a violation and she will respond appropriately by moving away.
 

Physical


Reagan has fine motor (small muscles i.e. fingers) and gross motor (large muscles) delays.  She may need assistance with crafts and games.  She generally moves slower than her peers and needs encouragement at times to keep up with the group.


Reagan is a good swimmer and independent in the pool.


Reagan has a permanent pacemaker and cannot play contact sports/games.


She wears her glasses 24/7 (except in the pool) and cannot see without them.


Hygiene


Reagan is independent in self care but may need reminders to complete activities of daily living.


Church Services


Reagan knows what is expected during church services and is generally well-behaved.  She participates fully and takes Communion.


Spiritual Gifts


Reagan has been blessed with many gifts which will enfold before your eyes.  She loves unconditionally and very sensitive to the feelings of others.  She has a joyful spirit that is contagious.  All who take the time to know her will be immensely blessed.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

My New Hobby


I do love taking pictures


Of the beauty of God's creation


  My loved ones




 
 My pets




And the places I love to visit


All that is good and lovely


And brings joy to my heart


Friday, February 3, 2012

Our Beloved One

"I have one too,

He's/she's ____"

Today it was  21.

It happens often.  

We're out and about 

And someone locks onto Reagan.  

Their eyes light up and I know...

Because I have one

Our eyes meet and our smiles grow 

Because we understand...

The far reaches of joy

An instantaneous bond  forged

Because we treasure one

Our precious one,

Created in His image

We name our ones

My one is Reagan




She's 17

The words Down syndrome rarely uttered

As the conversation flows

Because genetic material

Doesn't make up the soul

Of our treasured one

It's about places in the heart

Which expand and grow in love

So that love bursts forth

No longer restrained

And joy blossoms

In the gift of

And lessons learned from

Our beloved one




{I have a friend  who doesn't have one witness such a meeting and she was left totally confused at what she saw and heard.  I had to explain it to her and now she knows - and understands because she loves Reagan as her own.}

This is an original composition (as are all my posts) and subject to copyright laws

Monday, January 23, 2012

The Vicar’s Wife and Her New Hat – What I’ve Learned So Far



I wear many hats as a wife, mother, homeschooler, clergy spouse, friend, daughter, and sister.  As with most roles, there is no manual on how to perform the roles we assume in the best manner.  My newest role as clergy spouse has been a role filled with seemingly unknowns.  There were no classes in seminary as to how to walk alongside my husband as he shepherds God’s people.


In retrospect, I can see how I have been formed for this role.  God put people in my life to bring me where I am today.  Like my husband, the good Lord equips those He calls for the journey.  Never fear that you won’t be equipped for the call.

My Formation

I have experience in church leadership - served on the vestry and various committees - and have been very involved with the youth and Altar Guild.  I knew how things worked as we serve the Lord in worship, in the community and in the hierarchy of the church.   


If we are truly blessed, we have a mentor to talk with and learn from.  I’ve had a few slip in and out of my life over the years – women for whom I have a profound respect, as they support and minister alongside their husbands.   Their fleeting presence had a huge impact on how I viewed my new ministry.


As we prayed about the call and then, in obedience took the call, I became a student of other priest’s/pastor’s wives.  I found I admired those who had a gentle presence – those who did not, in a sense, compete with their husbands or parishioners in ministry.  After all, this role isn’t about me.  It is about supporting my husband and the strengths of those who already at work in the Body of Christ – not taking the place over because I might be able to do it better however unlikely that would be.  When others work to glorify God, let them grow according to God’s will.  My gifts will be used in as God sees fit when He sees the need.


I admired those wives who lead by example.  They walk in the Word – not perfectly because none of us do.  They love people, express love and show them how to love others.  Not every person is easy to love.   Nonetheless, the difficult people make the Body whole and we need them.  Often, they are looking for healing but have difficulty expressing their pain. Their needs are unspoken but God knows why they walk with us.


I learned that the power of prayer is huge!  I  pray as I work throughout the day – for my husband and for our congregation.  This isn’t a role for the weak at heart.  People suffer in their daily walk.  People long to become closer to and rely on God more in their sufferings; they often need a little help from a friend whether it be prayers or offering an ear.  Walking alongside them and keeping their confidence(s) is of utmost importance.


 Advice for New Clergy Spouses


Since nobody handed me a clergy spouse manual, I'm assuming one doesn't exist.  If it does, I would love to read it.  For those new to ministry I thought I'd share what I've learned so far:

Study.  Familiarity with the Word, shows us how to walk in the Word with the Body of Christ.


Pray.  Pray for and with your husband.  Pray for his flock.  Pray for those who are suffering in their daily walk.  Pray for the leadership as they work to bring the Gospel to the world and unite the Body of Christ.  Pray for those who don’t know the saving grace of Jesus Christ.  Pray for yourself – that you may be what God has called you to be as a clergy spouse.


Spiritual Warfare.  You and your spouse are on the front lines of a bitter war. Evil wants to invade your heart and soul.   Know it and guard against it with prayer.  Put on the Armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18) every.

Priest Killers.  A new term to me but related to the above.  Be aware that there are a few who exist to destroy ministries. For more on how Evil is at work in the Church, get a copy of "When Sheep Attack" by Dennis Maynard. 


Communication.   Keep it flowing between you and your spouse.  There will be trials and tribulations to weather together.  As we support each other in ministry, open communication is essential in preventing misunderstandings and estrangement.  Because this ministry will consume much of our spouse’s time, we need to remain loving partners communicating together in love. 

Time.  When we have children, it is understood that  they will consume some (or much depending on the age and stage) of our couple time together.  As a couple, it may take some creativity and effort to make time just for the two of you but it is essential, vital even, that you make the effort.

Vocation.  Know that this is an unconventional vocation.  It is not a 9 to 5 job.  Phone calls and hospital emergencies will come at inconvenient times.


Respect for the veil of the confessional and/or counseling sessions.  There will be times when you will not be privileged to know everything that your spouse knows.  Period.


Keeping confidences.  What people choose to discuss  should never escape our mouths unless the parishioner specifically requests that it be shared.  Gossip (or what can be misconstrued as gossip) can kill a congregation.
 

Obedience.  Our husbands have responded in obedience to a call to serve Christ and His Church.  Therefore, we are called to obedience also.  Obedience to conform to the will of God for ourselves, our families and the flock He has chosen for us to shepherd.


Charity.  Pray that your heart exudes charity for your spouse, family and God’s people.  It is easy when working in a “people profession” to fall into a pattern of cynicism – especially about sin.  We are all sinful, broken people working to glorify God in a broken world. 

Perfection.  Forget about it.  It just doesn't exist in our human condition.  There is no "perfect" clergy wife.  Yes, you and your family will be scrutinized heavily as are all clergy families, however, this isn't about being perfect.  All our lives, we are called to walk with Jesus, to strive to holiness.  We walk with the broken.  Walk in faith beside them.

Politics.  Confession - I am a political animal.   I am fascinated by church politics.  I don't talk about politics with my church family but do talk about how we can best glorify God during these difficult times

Mentor/Spiritual Director.  This is not an easy vocation. At times, there will be struggles -  internal or external.  Have a support system in place before the need for support arises. 


I do so love my vicar’s wife hat.  It is made of  a rich woven fabric that is the lives of those who attend our church and beyond.  In all my years, I’ve never been a part of a faith community that truly revolves around the love of Christ.  Now, I know and am blessed by it.  They are my teachers and I try to keep my eyes  on Jesus because this is really all about Him.  This is a ministry based on relationships – as are all the roles I’ve assumed.  As long as we keep Christ in the center, we will all bear the fruits of our relationship with Him and one another.


AND glorify God!

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Sanctity of Life...

...Sunday is coming on January 22nd.  This is a wonderful video to share with your congregation.









For more information, please visit Anglicans for Life

Monday, January 9, 2012

The Love Syndrome AKA Down syndrome






This is Julie and her brother Derrick

Julie likes having Down syndrome

It "makes her unique"


Julie says she'd rather be slow to learn than slow to love


Julie loves her life and it shows 

 You can get the t-shirt at Derrick's site while Julie's gets set up

 Go to the store and get yours today.

I've order mine

I love my life!

Saturday, December 31, 2011

The Twelve Days of Christmas



It's still Christmas at our house!

In our tradition, the liturgical calendar marks the twelve days of Christmas beginning on December 25th and ending on January 5th.  Christmas is a season for us -- beginning the day we celebrate our Lord's birth and ending when the three kings arrive at His birthplace when we celebrate the Feast of the Epiphany. 

The "deeper meaning" of the song The Twelve Days of Christmas is a myth which has been propagated since the mid 1980s.  There is no evidence that its origins were from the  16th century split by the Church of England from the Roman Catholic Church.  For a time, it was a crime to be Roman Catholic in England.  During that interval, it was thought that this song was used as a way to teach young Roman Catholic children the catechism.  Truth be told, there is no scholarly evidence to support this myth as fact.

Anyway, here are what the 12 gifts were thought to symbolize:
The partridge in a pear tree was Jesus Christ.

Two turtle doves were the Old and New Testaments

Three French hens stood for faith, hope and love.
 
The four calling birds were the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke & John.

The five golden rings recalled the Torah or Law, the first five books of the Old Testament.

The six geese a-laying stood for the six days of creation.

Seven swans a-swimming represented the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit - Prophesy, Serving, Teaching, Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership, and Mercy.

The eight maids a-milking were the eight beatitudes.

Nine ladies dancing were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit-Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control.

The ten lords a-leaping were the ten commandments.

The eleven pipers piping stood for the eleven faithful disciples.

The twelve drummers drumming symbolized the twelve points of belief in the Apostles' Creed.

A meaningful story perhaps but nothing factual to back it up but I still like it!

I'm linking to The Nativity Carnival hosted by Kerry, A Ten O'Clock Scholar