Monday, April 16, 2012

A Homeschooling Mom's Heart


I’ve been on this road less traveled for a long time now.  It has been a beautiful journey.  A journey made beautiful because of those I share it with – my children. 


I’ve learned much on the way.  I’ve learned much about the typical and the not quite so typical homeschooling journey.  I’ve learned much about myself too.


Here is the secret of my heart…there is nothing special about me.


Others comment that it must be so because they couldn’t do it.


I wasn’t born to do this.  God called me to it.  He shaped me for the journey as I traveled along the path.  There were many forks along the way and mountains to climb.  Many times I was tired – too tired to go on.  


In obedience, I marched on.


I spent much time in the desert.  There were dry, arid times where I wondered if I’d taken the right path. 


My resolve only grew and I continued on.


I discovered the further I traveled, the easier it became.  The mountains faded away and the forks fewer.  The desert became an oasis.  The landscape was lush and the views magnificent.  A delightful fragrance filled the air.  My efforts began to bear fruit with the sweetest nectar I’ve ever known.


This journey was never about me but the fruits of my labor. 

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Celebrating Every Day

Today is World Down Syndrome Day.  The Down syndrome community is celebrating globally with a great deal of excitement in the air.  Videos abound and there is much chatter over the internet about all that is positive about raising a child with Down syndrome or loving an individual with Down syndrome.

BUT it isn’t just about this one day.  I live with and love someone with Down syndrome.  I work every day to teach her, mold her and love her.  

Because I love her, the work is easy.  We work together, play together and joy springs forth.


The world doesn’t see the love we share or the joy we know.

Most just see is the common features individuals with Down syndrome share and judge that life to be without value.


Every day, around the globe, unborn babies with Down syndrome are terminated.


Words like burden, hardship, worthless, suffering, retarded are used to advise expectant parents with a  prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome - tragic and inexcusable.


As we celebrate World Down Syndrome Day, we celebrate truth.


Living and loving someone with Down syndrome is knowing joy and unconditional love.


 It is about finding whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things (Phil 4:8) 


Think about such things and know…

...this is our life and that is worth celebrating every day.

World Down Syndrome Day IDSC for Life

 From International Down Syndrome Coalition for Life



"We were inspired by a video, in which mothers were asked if they could go back, and say something to themselves, before they became mothers, what would you say? So we decided we would ask all parents if they could go back before they had a baby, or adopted a baby with Down syndrome, what would you say? Their responses were beyond anything we dreamed. This video, celebrating World Down Syndrome Day, summarizes and brings to light exactly why we celebrate this day! We hope that others will see that our lives are filled with love and joy, and all things that are good and amazing."

Like IDSC for Life on Facebook!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

The Road Less Traveled





A journey filled with unknowns

Elicits fear and trepidation

Raw authentic emotions

Strain heart and mind

A whisper

“My will, not thine”

And we journey on

Lessons in walking by faith; not by sight

Love deepens, faith grows

Peace enters in

A heightened awareness 

The Lord is near

And all will be well

Saturday, March 3, 2012

It's A Wonderful Life


Remember the movie called It’s a Wonderful Life with James Stewart and Donna Reed?  Our Christmas season is incomplete without at least one viewing of this film.  After a series of unfortunate events the lead character, George Bailey, contemplates suicide, thinking his loved ones would be better off if he were dead.  Prayers from concerned friends and family storm heaven.  An angel, Clarence, is sent to earth to intervene. Clarence lets George look at life in his home town, Bedford Falls,  to see what life would look like if he had never existed.    The town is drastically different without George.  It becomes a place where hardship is rampant, filled with people who lack compassion - a place that knows no joy.  George comes to realize that his life is worthwhile and valuable despite the trials he faces, and George returns filled with renewed zeal and love for his life. 

 I cry every time I see this movie.

Approximately ninety-two percent of expectant parents given a prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome chose termination over life with Down syndrome. The reality is that they will never have the opportunity to know what they are missing. They will never know the joy that I know as I do with Reagan, my daughter with Down syndrome.  Their family and friends will never know what they have missed.

I don’t want to think about what life would be like without Reagan.  Just expressing the thought brings tears to my eyes.  I remember what life was like before Reagan and what I know now.

I live a marvelous love story.  I have a wonderful life! 

 I live in a place that is filled with happiness and joy.  I live my life with profound gratitude for what God has placed before me – including and especially for my child with Down syndrome.  

Reagan has a wonderful life.  You only need ask her.

She is valued and values others.

She is loved and loves. 
 
She gives and receives. 

She learns and she teaches.

She sins and asks forgiveness

She has dreams & desires...

Just like you

Yes, there are challenges and hardships – as with any child.  Isn’t there an element of sacrifice in all loving relationships?

If you are here because you are carrying an unborn child with Down syndrome, let me be your Clarence.  

See that our life is a wonderful life…

…and know that all life is precious.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Pondering Lent

It is hard for me to believe that Lent is upon us!  As I was researching for my yearly Lenten Examination of Conscience I ran across this lovely poem:

Repentance

Lord, I confess my sin is great:
          Great is my sin. Oh! gently treat
With thy quick flower, thy momentary bloom ;
                    Whose life still pressing
                    Is one undressing,
          A steady aiming at a tomb.
          Man's age is two hours' work, or three;
          Each day doth round about us see.
Thus are we to delights: but we are all
                    To sorrows old,
                    If life be told
          From what life feeleth, Adam's fall.
          O let thy height of mercy then
          Compassionate short-breathed men,
Cut me not off for my most foul transgression:
                    I do confess
                    My foolishness;
          My God, accept of my confession.
          Sweeten at length this bitter bowl,
          Which thou hast pour'd into my soul;
Thy wormwood turn to health, winds to fair weather;
                    For if thou stay,
                    I and this day,
          As we did rise, we die together.

by George Herbert 1593-1633

I am going to use this Lenten Examination of Conscience by Marianne Dorman as a tool for my personal Lenten experience this year.  It is based on the Beatitudes of which I am quite fond.

Do you make this a practice?  What are you using?

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Considering Homeschooling Your Child with Special Needs?


Parents begin considering homeschooling their child with special needs via a variety of paths.  

Many have homeschooled their children from the beginning.  They seem to be born with a homeschooling heart.


Some are called to it because of their child with special needs.  They understand that the system cannot effectively deal with their child’s special needs to ensure the child learns and grows into the best he/she can be.


Some begin because of difficulties with the school system.  They may be disappointed in their child’s progress.   Some even remove their children emergently because the situation is intolerable for their child.


I’ve listened to them all as they open their hearts and share their stories.  There is one common thread which runs through every parent’s mind as they consider the options.

Anxiety


The discernment period is a time filled with anxiety.  They worry if they can take on such an immense responsibility and do it well.  Even the veteran homeschooling mom experiences anxiety and doubt!


And it is normal.


We all want what is best for our children.  We, more than any system, care about our child’s outcome and will work harder to overcome challenges our children face.  


We all want what is best for our family.  We must consider how the decision to homeschool our child with special needs will affect our other children and spouse. Most homeschooling families naturally incorporate the child with special needs but some don't.  They fear that they cannot meet their child's special educational and/or therapeutic needs.  They worry that homeschooling their child with special needs may affect the education of their typical children.  There may be concerns that the perceived extra burden they are considering may cause increased marital stress. 


The discernment period is a time of prayer. 


We pray that the Holy Spirit will guide us as we do the research needed to make an informed decision.  We need to know as much as possible about our child’s diagnosis and how it affects growth and development – and overall learning.


We pray for others to walk alongside us - listen and share their knowledge and wisdom.  Fortunately, as the number of those  homeschooling their children  has grown, so has the number of those homeschooling children with special needs.  The support is there whether it be local or via the internet.  You will find others to work alongside you during the discernment period.

You might meet some of those people who I know as encouragers and friends.  Most I will never meet in real life but I consider them life-long friends.  We have walked with each other, celebrated with each other and cried together.

What you will learn


In the discernment period, you will come to know that you will be your child’s best teacher.  You know him/her better than anyone else. You have been his/her teacher from birth.  Homeschooling is a natural extension of parenting.


You will learn that homeschooling will not cure your child.  Homeschooling can provide a more optimal learning environment – one in which the child is safe, is encouraged and loved - learns and grows to be the best he or she can be.  In cases of significant challenges, this can be of utmost importance.

You will learn that homeschooling is not the easiest option though some might consider it to be so.  No more IEPs, BIPs, no more struggles to fight for services…


It is a lifestyle that requires perseverance and fortitude. It will challenge and grow you.  It is not for the weak of heart.  There will be tough days.  There may be tough seasons – but isn’t it so as we educate our typically developing children?

As you begin


Your anxiety dissipates.

You will find this path brings great rewards and untold amounts of joy.  There is nothing more rewarding than watching your child  overcome challenges as they master a new task or incorporate a difficult concept.

You learn what it means to walk by faith, not by sight, trusting the Lord will provide!


As I look at my sunset years as a homeschooling mom, I know the path we chose was right for us, good for our children, and the best choice for Reagan - our daughter with Down syndrome.  I have been blessed beyond my dreams by our homeschooling adventure.  I can see how God called me to this, the road less traveled, and then answered prayers as He guided us to fulfill His will for our family.


If He leads us to the road less traveled as a homeschooling family, He will guide us through it and we glorify Him in the process.


I am in awe of what He has accomplished in our family – especially in me.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

She's Not One of Us...




Words spoken by my  family

Parent, siblings to all they can reach

No, they aren’t talking about my daughter

Unique, Born to love

And not like them

They are talking about me

Rejected by those who are supposed to love and support

But instead seek to hurt and destroy

My crime?

Striving for holiness

In my brokeness

I choose good over evil

I choose love over hate

I choose joy over sorrow

I choose optimism over pessimism

I choose kindness over sarcasm

I choose peace over destruction

I choose quiet over gossip 

I choose authentic over mocking

I choose healing over bitterness

Not perfectly, but imperfectly me

Thankful that I am not like them

 I’ve always known

To whom I belong

A child of God

An object of my Father's love

Healed and transformed

New everyday

In His unceasing love

Monday, February 6, 2012

Dear Caregiver


I wrote this several years ago for Reagan’s first extended time away from home.  I think she was about ten when she went to church camp for the first time.   I wasn’t sure how well-schooled her camp counselor might be in dealing with a child with special needs so I tried to briefly cover some bases to assist the counselor and ensure that Reagan had the best experience possible.


I broke down my concerns and what might be important for the counselor to know into various categories.  I tried to make it simple and easy to read so as not to be overwhelming to someone who might not know the lingo that we all come to know as the parent of a child with special needs.


Interestingly enough, her first camp counselor turned out to be a special education teacher who has a heart for children with Down syndrome.  What a blessing that week was for all of us!


I think this format would be easy to adapt to many other situations where the caregiver or  volunteer might not be comfortable without knowing a little something about our kiddos with special needs such as Sunday School, youth group or other youth activities.

Dear ______, 


Reagan is excited about spending time with you and wants you to know a few things about her.


Reagan has Down syndrome.  Children with Down syndrome have cognitive delays, speech and language delays and physical challenges.  In getting to know Reagan, the following might be helpful:


Personhood


Reagan has Down syndrome but it doesn’t define her.  She is a child first.  She has the same dreams and desires as other children.  She wants to do and participate with others without a great deal of attention drawn to her or her special needs.  Treat her as you treat all other children.


Safety


Of  utmost importance is safety.  Children with Down syndrome are known for wandering off in the blink of an eye.  It is important to have a pair of eyes trained on her as she participates in individual and group activities.  You might expect her to wander if she is bored, if the activity is too loud/overstimulating or if she is upset.


Reagan may make unwise decisions and needs to be watched closely in new situations – and redirected/corrected as necessary.

Developmental Age


Though Reagan is __, her developmental age is younger.  The most important element of her younger developmental age is that she is a concrete thinker.   Therefore, communication should be conducted in a concrete manner - simple, familiar (but not babyish) language with shorter, concise sentence structure.  Idioms, figures of speech and slang are often meaningless to her.


Speech and Language

Reagan has wonderful language skills and can express her wants and needs quite well.  She understands more than she can say.


Reagan’s speech can be difficult to understand at times.  Ask her to slow down and try again and she usually corrects any errors. 


Memory


Reagan has trouble with her short-term memory.  Repeat rules or commands as necessary.  Her long-term memory is excellent.  Once she knows you and loves you, you will be her best friend forever.


Processing


Reagan may not fully understand what you want from her at times - especially in new situations.  If necessary, simplify, repeat, and/or rephrase requests. 


Behavior


Reagan is generally compliant but has some stubborn moments.  It helps to verbalize expectations and what needs to be done.  Reagan will not understand most nonverbal cues unless they are specifically taught.  For example, most children respond to gentle shoulder pressure to move along.  Reagan will not understand unless you verbalize your expectations at the given moment.


She may need longer to transition to a new activity unless she is aware of how the day will go.  A few minutes before transition to remind her of what is coming next should help immensely.


To encourage compliance:
1.       Insist on eye contact when speaking to her
2.       Keep language simple and straightforward
3.       Simplify, rephrase and/or repeat instructions as needed
4.       Have her repeat what you told her if necessary


Negative consequences are generally ineffective with Reagan.  Gentle, persistent encouragement is most effective as is “1, 2, 3 magic.”

If Reagan is bored or tired, she may enter into her imaginary world.  It is preferable for her to stay in the real world but sometimes she needs a break from the demands of stressful (above her developmental level) situations.


Social


Reagan is a very social child and loves being around people.  She is occasionally socially inappropriate.


She loves to hug others.  “High fives” or a handshake should be encouraged instead of hugs.


Violating the personal space of others is common.   We use the term “personal space bubble” when referring to a violation and she will respond appropriately by moving away.
 

Physical


Reagan has fine motor (small muscles i.e. fingers) and gross motor (large muscles) delays.  She may need assistance with crafts and games.  She generally moves slower than her peers and needs encouragement at times to keep up with the group.


Reagan is a good swimmer and independent in the pool.


Reagan has a permanent pacemaker and cannot play contact sports/games.


She wears her glasses 24/7 (except in the pool) and cannot see without them.


Hygiene


Reagan is independent in self care but may need reminders to complete activities of daily living.


Church Services


Reagan knows what is expected during church services and is generally well-behaved.  She participates fully and takes Communion.


Spiritual Gifts


Reagan has been blessed with many gifts which will enfold before your eyes.  She loves unconditionally and very sensitive to the feelings of others.  She has a joyful spirit that is contagious.  All who take the time to know her will be immensely blessed.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

My New Hobby


I do love taking pictures


Of the beauty of God's creation


  My loved ones




 
 My pets




And the places I love to visit


All that is good and lovely


And brings joy to my heart