Christmas Angel

Lay hold upon the hope set before us: which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and stedfast. Hebrews 6:18-19
My oldest daughter, Michelle, was born on Christmas Eve. The following day I found out that she had severe, complex congenital heart defects. The pediatric cardiologist told me to take her home and love her and I never looked back. My world had changed. This long awaited and deeply loved child might not be mine for long. I learned to live for today, for every day was precious with her. I was blessed with five and a half wonderful years.

For many years, Christmas was a bittersweet time for me but the Lord brought me through the excruciating pain and devastation of her loss. The entire fabric of my life was in shreds. I knew despair. I did not grieve well - if anybody does. I was very angry with God but I knew He understood. He watched His own son suffer and die on the cross. I watched my firstborn suffer horribly and die in my arms. With the anger, my healing began.

Time and healing have softened the pain. I tell people today that grief is holy ground. Friends and family just can't be available every anguished moment but the Lord is always available to wrap His loving arms around us and surround us with comfort and give us His strength.

Is there any place you can go from my spirit? If you climb the sky, I am there! If you go underground, I am there! Psalm 139: 7-8

It was not my own strength that got me through my grief - it was His alone. Grief is a journey with God - Father, Son and Holy Spirit. My journey in grief taught me that He is the only source of true hope - to look for it elsewhere was to base my life on a foundation that would not carry me through the trials of this life. God makes many promises in Holy Scripture. I experienced the realities of those promises. He never left me. He is the Great Physician - He is a God of healing. I was made new (again!) in Him.

Jesus died on the cross for our salvation. My daughter lives because He gave up His life for us.

From her funeral service:

We seem to give Michelle back to you, dear God,
who gave her to us.

Yet, as you did not lose her in giving, so we have not lost by her return.

Not as the world gives, do you give, O Lover of Michelle. O Lover of us all.

For what is yours
Is ours always...
If we are yours.

And life is eternal,
and love is immortal,
and death is only a horizon,
and a horizon is nothing but
the limit of our sight.

Lift us up, strong Son of God,
that we may see further, cleanse our eyes
that we may see more clearly; draw us
closer to you that we may know
ourselves, nearer to Michelle, who is
with you.

And while you prepare a place for us,
prepare us!

Prepare us for a happy place,
where Michelle is
and where you are
and where we too want to be.

Amen

Author Unknown

May Michelle rest in peace and rise in glory.