Monday, October 5, 2009

Grief in the Shadows

This time of year brings on a familiar sensation. Since the loss of my oldest daughter, the crisp, cooler weather which signifies the arrival of fall brings with it a veil which slips over my heart and mind. Life takes blunted tones – lacking the meaning and joy that generally fills my days.

The veil is commonly known as shadow grief. The experts consider it normal after the loss of a child. It can have many triggers but is usually associated with the birthday or anniversary of the day which the child passes on. Fleeting episodes will be with me for the rest of my days on this earthly journey.

Some years I don’t see it coming, but unconsciously it creeps in and slowly comes to my awareness. It comes with extreme fatigue, irritability, difficulty concentrating and general loss of interest in daily activities. It is no longer associated with acute pain but only occasional tearfulness.

In some strange way, I find comfort in it because I know Michelle is on the other side of the veil that separates us waiting for me. Waiting for the last day when we will all rise in glory and live in heaven for all eternity.

For you see, I believe in the promise that Jesus Christ made. The promise of eternal life for all who believe that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

Until then, I know the veil will soon be lifted and I will live fully and joyfully in that promise and my hope in Him. The veil serves only to remind me of that precious love between and mother and her child and that our separation is only temporary.

With a grateful heart - for her life and the love we shared, I sit in the shadow of the foot of the cross and pray that all I do and say will glorify Him...

3 comments:

Jessica Snell said...

Amy, thank you for sharing this testimony of your loss and God's presence.

I was thinking this weekend about the deaths that are surely coming - either mine, or those I love, and I didn't even know how to think about it. But your words here give me courage, and remind me that God knows our grief, that he put himself in the middle of it, was willing to lose his own son because of his great love for us. That he knows, and is there and will be there.

Thank you for sharing your hope. Your daughter's smile in that picture is beautiful. I can't imagine it being bigger or more joyous now, but I bet it is. God bless you and yours, and may he hold your hand through your shadow season, and keep your heart in joy until you get to see both his face and Michelle's. Thank you, again, for sharing these words.

Amy said...

Thanks for sharing. The Psalm for the day was 121, I prayed it with you in mind. Peace be with you.

Amy said...

Thank you Amy - so sweet of you!

Jessica, I, too, often think of my future losses. Not in any morbid way , but I know that my parents are aging. Their siblings are becoming fragile and I recently lost a favorite aunt so it is just a soon to be realized reality that someone very close to me will pass away soon. It is a part of life that we all have to deal with. I know grief all to well but I know it to be holy ground -- and it will bring me closer to the One who died for you and me...