Homeschooling Children with Down Syndrome

I don't go around promoting my  e-book, Homeschooling Children with Down Syndrome, so I thought I would remind you that it is still out there and still FREE.  It amazes me that it has had almost 13, 000 reads on Scribd.

If you haven't looked at it yet, I can tell you that it is based on what researchers tell us about how children with Down syndrome learn and is packed with suggestions on how to promote learning in our children.  My book is not only for homeschooling families but for all parents with an interest in how children with Down syndrome learn.  You will see my passion for homeschooling in the book but I hope you will also see my passion for all children with Down syndrome.  We all advocate in different ways for our children and this is what my advocacy has grown into.  This book has been my mission and ministry for almost 18 years now.  I didn't know it would grow into a book but with the prompting of the Holy Spirit it has and I hope you will find it useful in growing your children into the best that they can be!

We took a little time off this summer from formal learning but we are now happily back at work.  Reagan comes with joy to the learning table and thrives in her learning environment.  I feel hugely blessed to grow with her as the years go by.  One can only be humbled and grateful when set on this road less traveled...

Research - Targeted Intervention in Children with Down Syndrome

If you follow this blog and have read my free e-book, Homeschooling Children with Down Syndrome you know I am passionate about sharing what I've learned about how children with Down syndrome learn.  Much of my research has led me to believe that targeted intervention is the key to learning success in children with Down syndrome.  New evidence in coming out in support of the research of many:

Landmark research study shows targeted intervention improves the reading and language skills of children with Down syndrome

If you are interested in following the research into how we can improve the lives of those with Down syndrome, you can find the RSS feed from Down Syndrome Education International on their website.  You can also follow them on twitter and facebook

I think soon I'll make public the summary of what I have learned about education and Down syndrome.  It is much more comprehensive than my e-book!

Righting Wrongs - Healing from Adversity

In my last post, Loving My Life, I shared briefly much of the adversity I have faced and how a grateful heart turns sadness into contentment - even joy!  As I ponder the path I've taken, the person I've become and the life I'm blessed with, I look at the lessons I've learned along the way.

The greatest lesson I've learned is to look for the lesson!  There is always something to learn from our circumstances and work to make something good come out of adversity.  This introspective self (me) ponders circumstances naturally.  I was born that way and can't seem to shake it.

Yes, I had a difficult childhood.  My children only know safety, stability, love and affection. My childhood made me determined not to repeat history.  A wrong righted!

In my experience, righting wrongs brings healing. To remain a victim of circumstances may possibly perpetuate the cycle of abuse and contribute to depression.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not a perfect parent.  I get tired, distracted, cranky.  I even raise my voice on occasion - mostly because of my own state of mind.  But my intention and focus is on not repeating the mistakes of my parents, and their parents, and their parents...

My parents had multiple affairs during my childhood and young adult stages. The ripples of pain flowing out of adultery affected me deeply.  I've made my marriage a priority.  I vowed early on to making my home a home where faithfulness is true and love and peace reign.  A place that is to be an escape from the madness that the rest of the world has become.  I know the sweetness of a good marriage, to a good man who shares my love for the Lord.  I find that an amazing gift - for our whole family. 


We don't live perfect lives.  I and aware of and understand much of my brokenness in the little things and the big things.   We are called to live and serve in a broken world.  It is impossible to serve effectively unless we understand our own brokenness.  Otherwise, we place ourselves above the broken and are unable to truly serve.

I've known devastation in the death of my children - but therein lies my strength.  What God put together in me as a new creation, reborn from devastation, was woven in Him and by Him.  I am, not by my own strength, but by His.  I faced the worst with Him and have been healed through Him.  God is good.  All that flows from Him is good and because of that I know a miracle!

I am the miracle.

My husband, children on earth and my children in heaven would want me to be healed and whole - and to tell the story of God's love for them and our family.  Perhaps I didn't get my prayers answered as Michelle was dying or for the wee one I only knew in the love and anticipation of another child growing in my womb but God loved us through all the joyful as well as the pain, sadness and healing.

I am a better mother, wife and friend because of adversity.

God is not the cause of pain and suffering.  A sinful, fallen world is the cause of all pain and suffering.     Our God, The Great Physician, is the source of healing.

I am assured of His continuous presence and know that He loves me in my angst and in my contented state.  An ever faithful God who loves unconditionally, heals without hesitation and bestows grace and mercy to all.  He calls us beyond our circumstances tell His story.  Love, healing and miracles require a response beyond gratitude.  I would love to hear your story!

Loving My Life

I have been wearing my I love my life* t-shirt quite often these days.  It brings me great joy to display my contentment with life.  People will often smile at me comment on my shirt as if they understand.  I often wonder about their stories but usually the opportunity doesn't present itself to take the time to converse.  

I've often pondered how I would  describe the breadth and depth of that which makes up this time and place in my life so wondrous and beautiful.  If it were a tapestry, it would be woven with rich colors giving it a dimension that I think few know.  Some will not have the life experiences I know or  perhaps they feel burdened by what life has placed before them.

I understand that place too.  I've been there.

I knew a childhood filled with periods of poverty, dysfunction, abuse and pain.  I was never to know what childhood is.

I've plumbed the depths of  grief after the devastating loss of my firstborn.  A subsequent miscarriage took me back to that all too familiar place.

I understand the uncertainty of serious personal illness.

I know parenting of two children with profound disabilities.  I know their struggles.  I know their pain.

I could be a vastly different person from what I am today.  I could feel bitter and burdened by what life has put before me.  I know so many who choose that path when faced with their own personal tragedies.

Yes, choose.

I could have passively wallowed in pain and bitterness but I chose not to remain there at any stage of my life.  Sure there were times when I was too weary to move forward.  At times, I held on tightly to my pain because by letting go of it  felt like the love I'd known would vanish forever.

Instead, I choose to be grateful for what I've known and know today.

I'm grateful for the little things like my cat gently waking me in the morning with her sandpaper tongue for no other reason than she desires my company.  I'm grateful for the wagging tail of my pup that greets me in my half slumberous state when I exit my bedroom in the morning.

I'm grateful for the big things that I know in a loving husband and the sweetness of motherhood in my living children.

I'm grateful for the brief time I had with my children who now dance with angels in heaven.

I am grateful for the presence of the young lady with Down syndrome in my life and all the lessons in life that  I've learned from her and through her. 

I'm grateful for the daughter that has reached young adulthood, is successful in college who is wise beyond her years.

I'm grateful for the opportunity and blessings that come with our homeschooling lifestyle.  That lifestyle has grown us and taught us all so many valuable lessons on loving each other and learning together.

I thank God all day long for His work in me and around me.

I'm even grateful for days when the temperature reaches 104 degrees outside.

Through all my trials, I've known the love of my heavenly Father.  I've felt the embrace of my loving Savior.  The gentle nudge of the Holy Spirit in my heart calling me to new wondrous places where love resides and hope never dies.  I feel a little closer to heaven every day.

A tapestry will never do as a representation of the breadth and depth of the beauty in my life.  Words will never fully describe what a grateful heart will know in the beauty that comes with embracing what comes, living in my Father's will and letting the Holy Spirit be my guide.  I can only hope my soul will be pleasing to God when I am called home.

I do so love my life.

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*If you don't know the story of Julie and Derrick Tennant, please visit them at The Love Chromosome.  You will be inspired by their story and perhaps you will get your own t-shirt!

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Linking up with A Wise Woman Builds Her Home

Which Way?

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."

       Ralph Waldo Emerson

These words are so inspiring!  There are so many choices we make in life. Often we tend to take the path of least resistance, the paved path or follow the advice of others.  We forget to take time to really discern what might be best for ourselves and our families.


What IF we choose to spend time in prayerful discernment?

What IF we choose to discern what is best for our family despite the external pressures?

What IF we choose the unmarked path?

When a parent enters into the world of raising a child with special needs, they receive lots of advice - some desired, most not.  Parents are pressured by well-meaning folks who seem to have all the answers.  The Holy Spirit may be whispering the way through the maze and confusion but we can't hear because of all the noise and pressure.

Perhaps the right path for your family is within the system - early intervention, public schools and transition/work programs into adulthood.  A right path for many families.  God is a work within the system too.

Perhaps the right path for your family is working with your child outside the system and targeted intervention.  A path chartered by listening to what God wills for your family and a path designed by God.

Sound scary?

Perhaps, but that fear will fade to be replaced with the confidence engineered by the Holy Spirit.   You will come to understand you really are your child's best teacher. You will see your child learn and grow and his/her own pace. 

God has His own timing and so do our children with special needs.

When you walk in His will, you know peace...

...and your trail marked with blessings.

 *******************************

Speaking of leaving a trail,  if you are interested in homeschooling your child with Down syndrome please look at my free e-book Homeschooling Children with Down Syndrome.  In this book I share much about how children with Down syndrome learn, methods, curriculum tips and more!

Wise Words

As I journey on this road less traveled, I often recall these wise words of a fellow traveler:

"As parents, we trust that the Lord will provide all that is needed for His (our) children to fulfill His mission for them while on earth."

We trust He will provide for our typically developing children and, perhaps more so, for our children with special needs.

These words bring immense comfort to me as I consider my daughter's present path and future.  I trust He will put all we need in our path so that Reagan's ministry on earth will be according to His will.

I have seen the Lord's work in me and my work in helping Reagan overcome obstacles in learning. He travels this path with me.  He places before me all that I need and more.  I trust He is at work in her and for her.

I know her heart.  It projects love.  Love for the Lord, love for her family and love for all she touches.

I am fascinated by her mind and how she thinks.  The questions she asks are thoughtful.  Her assessment of situations is often right on track.

Does she know everything that other 17 year-olds know?  Absolutely not.

Academic knowledge does not define her.

Reagan does know relationships better than any other person I know.  She gives and receives.  She is transparent and without inhibition in sharing herself.  She knows anger but harbors no grudges.  Her forgiveness of the transgressions of others is genuine and immediate.  She knows sadness which makes her highly sensitive to it in others.

Reagan's relationships define her.  Her relationships with God and humanity. I am saddened by those who have eyes that cannot see.  Eyes which do not value her and others with Down syndrome.

Somehow I doubt that St. Peter checks IQs at the gates of heaven.  God does not care about how smart we are.  He does care about how we love Him and each other.

So, let us learn from Reagan.  Learn how to love and forgive like she does.

Let us walk in love and forgiveness for a taste of heaven on earth and joy in the journey.

A Homeschooling Mom's Heart

I’ve been on this road less traveled for a long time now.  It has been a beautiful journey.  A journey made beautiful because of those I share it with – my children. 

I’ve learned much on the way.  I’ve learned much about the typical and the not quite so typical homeschooling journey.  I’ve learned much about myself too.

Here is the secret of my heart…there is nothing special about me.

Others comment that it must be so because they couldn’t do it.

I wasn’t born to do this.  God called me to it.  He shaped me for the journey as I traveled along the path.  There were many forks along the way and mountains to climb.  Many times I was tired – too tired to go on.  

In obedience, I marched on.

I spent much time in the desert.  There were dry, arid times where I wondered if I’d taken the right path. 

My resolve only grew and I continued on.

I discovered the further I traveled, the easier it became.  The mountains faded away and the forks fewer.  The desert became an oasis.  The landscape was lush and the views magnificent.  A delightful fragrance filled the air.  My efforts began to bear fruit with the sweetest nectar I’ve ever known.

This journey was never about me but the fruits of my labor. 

Celebrating Every Day

Today is World Down Syndrome Day.  The Down syndrome community is celebrating globally with a great deal of excitement in the air.  Videos abound and there is much chatter over the internet about all that is positive about raising a child with Down syndrome or loving an individual with Down syndrome.

BUT it isn’t just about this one day.  I live with and love someone with Down syndrome.  I work every day to teach her, mold her and love her.  

Because I love her, the work is easy.  We work together, play together and joy springs forth.

The world doesn’t see the love we share or the joy we know.

Most just see is the common features individuals with Down syndrome share and judge that life to be without value.

Every day, around the globe, unborn babies with Down syndrome are terminated.

Words like burden, hardship, worthless, suffering, retarded are used to advise expectant parents with a  prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome - tragic and inexcusable.

As we celebrate World Down Syndrome Day, we celebrate truth.

Living and loving someone with Down syndrome is knowing joy and unconditional love.


 It is about finding whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things (Phil 4:8) 

Think about such things and know…

...this is our life and that is worth celebrating every day.

World Down Syndrome Day IDSC for Life

 From International Down Syndrome Coalition for Life

"We were inspired by a video, in which mothers were asked if they could go back, and say something to themselves, before they became mothers, what would you say? So we decided we would ask all parents if they could go back before they had a baby, or adopted a baby with Down syndrome, what would you say? Their responses were beyond anything we dreamed. This video, celebrating World Down Syndrome Day, summarizes and brings to light exactly why we celebrate this day! We hope that others will see that our lives are filled with love and joy, and all things that are good and amazing."

Like IDSC for Life on Facebook!

The Road Less Traveled

Photo Credit

A journey filled with unknowns

Elicits fear and trepidation

Raw authentic emotions

Strain heart and mind

A whisper

“My will, not thine”

And we journey on

Lessons in walking by faith; not by sight

Love deepens, faith grows

Peace enters in

A heightened awareness 

The Lord is near

And all will be well

It's A Wonderful Life

Remember the movie called It’s a Wonderful Life with James Stewart and Donna Reed?  Our Christmas season is incomplete without at least one viewing of this film.  After a series of unfortunate events the lead character, George Bailey, contemplates suicide, thinking his loved ones would be better off if he were dead.  Prayers from concerned friends and family storm heaven.  An angel, Clarence, is sent to earth to intervene. Clarence lets George look at life in his home town, Bedford Falls,  to see what life would look like if he had never existed.    The town is drastically different without George.  It becomes a place where hardship is rampant, filled with people who lack compassion - a place that knows no joy.  George comes to realize that his life is worthwhile and valuable despite the trials he faces, and George returns filled with renewed zeal and love for his life. 

 I cry every time I see this movie.

Approximately ninety-two percent of expectant parents given a prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome chose termination over life with Down syndrome. The reality is that they will never have the opportunity to know what they are missing. They will never know the joy that I know as I do with Reagan, my daughter with Down syndrome.  Their family and friends will never know what they have missed.

I don’t want to think about what life would be like without Reagan.  Just expressing the thought brings tears to my eyes.  I remember what life was like before Reagan and what I know now.

I live a marvelous love story.  I have a wonderful life! 

 I live in a place that is filled with happiness and joy.  I live my life with profound gratitude for what God has placed before me – including and especially for my child with Down syndrome.  

Reagan has a wonderful life.  You only need ask her.

She is valued and values others.

She is loved and loves. 

 

She gives and receives. 

She learns and she teaches.

She sins and asks forgiveness

She has dreams & desires...

Just like you

Yes, there are challenges and hardships – as with any child.  Isn’t there an element of sacrifice in all loving relationships?

If you are here because you are carrying an unborn child with Down syndrome, let me be your Clarence.  

See that our life is a wonderful life…

…and know that all life is precious.

Pondering Lent

It is hard for me to believe that Lent is upon us!  As I was researching for my yearly Lenten Examination of Conscience I ran across this lovely poem:

Repentance

Lord, I confess my sin is great:
          Great is my sin. Oh! gently treat
With thy quick flower, thy momentary bloom ;
                    Whose life still pressing
                    Is one undressing,
          A steady aiming at a tomb.

          Man's age is two hours' work, or three;
          Each day doth round about us see.
Thus are we to delights: but we are all
                    To sorrows old,
                    If life be told
          From what life feeleth, Adam's fall.

          O let thy height of mercy then
          Compassionate short-breathed men,
Cut me not off for my most foul transgression:
                    I do confess
                    My foolishness;
          My God, accept of my confession.

          Sweeten at length this bitter bowl,
          Which thou hast pour'd into my soul;
Thy wormwood turn to health, winds to fair weather;
                    For if thou stay,
                    I and this day,
          As we did rise, we die together.

by George Herbert 1593-1633

I am going to use this Lenten Examination of Conscience by Marianne Dorman as a tool for my personal Lenten experience this year.  It is based on the Beatitudes of which I am quite fond.

Do you make this a practice?  What are you using?

Considering Homeschooling Your Child with Special Needs?

Parents begin considering homeschooling their child with special needs via a variety of paths.  

Many have homeschooled their children from the beginning.  They seem to be born with a homeschooling heart.

Some are called to it because of their child with special needs.  They understand that the system cannot effectively deal with their child’s special needs to ensure the child learns and grows into the best he/she can be.

Some begin because of difficulties with the school system.  They may be disappointed in their child’s progress.   Some even remove their children emergently because the situation is intolerable for their child.

I’ve listened to them all as they open their hearts and share their stories.  There is one common thread which runs through every parent’s mind as they consider the options.

Anxiety

The discernment period is a time filled with anxiety.  They worry if they can take on such an immense responsibility and do it well.  Even the veteran homeschooling mom experiences anxiety and doubt!

And it is normal.

We all want what is best for our children.  We, more than any system, care about our child’s outcome and will work harder to overcome challenges our children face.  

We all want what is best for our family.  We must consider how the decision to homeschool our child with special needs will affect our other children and spouse. Most homeschooling families naturally incorporate the child with special needs but some don't.  They fear that they cannot meet their child's special educational and/or therapeutic needs.  They worry that homeschooling their child with special needs may affect the education of their typical children.  There may be concerns that the perceived extra burden they are considering may cause increased marital stress. 

The discernment period is a time of prayer. 

We pray that the Holy Spirit will guide us as we do the research needed to make an informed decision.  We need to know as much as possible about our child’s diagnosis and how it affects growth and development – and overall learning.

We pray for others to walk alongside us - listen and share their knowledge and wisdom.  Fortunately, as the number of those  homeschooling their children  has grown, so has the number of those homeschooling children with special needs.  The support is there whether it be local or via the internet.  You will find others to work alongside you during the discernment period.

You might meet some of those people who I know as encouragers and friends.  Most I will never meet in real life but I consider them life-long friends.  We have walked with each other, celebrated with each other and cried together.

What you will learn

In the discernment period, you will come to know that you will be your child’s best teacher.  You know him/her better than anyone else. You have been his/her teacher from birth.  Homeschooling is a natural extension of parenting.

You will learn that homeschooling will not cure your child.  Homeschooling can provide a more optimal learning environment – one in which the child is safe, is encouraged and loved - learns and grows to be the best he or she can be.  In cases of significant challenges, this can be of utmost importance.

You will learn that homeschooling is not the easiest option though some might consider it to be so.  No more IEPs, BIPs, no more struggles to fight for services…

It is a lifestyle that requires perseverance and fortitude. It will challenge and grow you.  It is not for the weak of heart.  There will be tough days.  There may be tough seasons – but isn’t it so as we educate our typically developing children?

As you begin

Your anxiety dissipates.

You will find this path brings great rewards and untold amounts of joy.  There is nothing more rewarding than watching your child  overcome challenges as they master a new task or incorporate a difficult concept.

You learn what it means to walk by faith, not by sight, trusting the Lord will provide!

As I look at my sunset years as a homeschooling mom, I know the path we chose was right for us, good for our children, and the best choice for Reagan - our daughter with Down syndrome.  I have been blessed beyond my dreams by our homeschooling adventure.  I can see how God called me to this, the road less traveled, and then answered prayers as He guided us to fulfill His will for our family.

If He leads us to the road less traveled as a homeschooling family, He will guide us through it and we glorify Him in the process.

I am in awe of what He has accomplished in our family – especially in me.

She's Not One of Us...

Words spoken by my  family

Parent, siblings to all they can reach

No, they aren’t talking about my daughter

Unique, Born to love

And not like them

They are talking about me

Rejected by those who are supposed to love and support

But instead seek to hurt and destroy

My crime?

Striving for holiness

In my brokeness

I choose good over evil

I choose love over hate

I choose joy over sorrow

I choose optimism over pessimism

I choose kindness over sarcasm

I choose peace over destruction

I choose quiet over gossip 

I choose authentic over mocking

I choose healing over bitterness

Not perfectly, but imperfectly me

Thankful that I am not like them

 I’ve always known

To whom I belong

A child of God

An object of my Father's love

Healed and transformed

New everyday

In His unceasing love

Dear Caregiver

I wrote this several years ago for Reagan’s first extended time away from home.  I think she was about ten when she went to church camp for the first time.   I wasn’t sure how well-schooled her camp counselor might be in dealing with a child with special needs so I tried to briefly cover some bases to assist the counselor and ensure that Reagan had the best experience possible.

I broke down my concerns and what might be important for the counselor to know into various categories.  I tried to make it simple and easy to read so as not to be overwhelming to someone who might not know the lingo that we all come to know as the parent of a child with special needs.

Interestingly enough, her first camp counselor turned out to be a special education teacher who has a heart for children with Down syndrome.  What a blessing that week was for all of us!

I think this format would be easy to adapt to many other situations where the caregiver or  volunteer might not be comfortable without knowing a little something about our kiddos with special needs such as Sunday School, youth group or other youth activities.

Dear ______, 

Reagan is excited about spending time with you and wants you to know a few things about her.

Reagan has Down syndrome.  Children with Down syndrome have cognitive delays, speech and language delays and physical challenges.  In getting to know Reagan, the following might be helpful:

Personhood

Reagan has Down syndrome but it doesn’t define her.  She is a child first.  She has the same dreams and desires as other children.  She wants to do and participate with others without a great deal of attention drawn to her or her special needs.  Treat her as you treat all other children.

Safety

Of  utmost importance is safety.  Children with Down syndrome are known for wandering off in the blink of an eye.  It is important to have a pair of eyes trained on her as she participates in individual and group activities.  You might expect her to wander if she is bored, if the activity is too loud/overstimulating or if she is upset.

Reagan may make unwise decisions and needs to be watched closely in new situations – and redirected/corrected as necessary.

Developmental Age

Though Reagan is __, her developmental age is younger.  The most important element of her younger developmental age is that she is a concrete thinker.   Therefore, communication should be conducted in a concrete manner - simple, familiar (but not babyish) language with shorter, concise sentence structure.  Idioms, figures of speech and slang are often meaningless to her.

Speech and Language

Reagan has wonderful language skills and can express her wants and needs quite well.  She understands more than she can say.

Reagan’s speech can be difficult to understand at times.  Ask her to slow down and try again and she usually corrects any errors. 

Memory

Reagan has trouble with her short-term memory.  Repeat rules or commands as necessary.  Her long-term memory is excellent.  Once she knows you and loves you, you will be her best friend forever.

Processing

Reagan may not fully understand what you want from her at times - especially in new situations.  If necessary, simplify, repeat, and/or rephrase requests. 

Behavior

Reagan is generally compliant but has some stubborn moments.  It helps to verbalize expectations and what needs to be done.  Reagan will not understand most nonverbal cues unless they are specifically taught.  For example, most children respond to gentle shoulder pressure to move along.  Reagan will not understand unless you verbalize your expectations at the given moment.

She may need longer to transition to a new activity unless she is aware of how the day will go.  A few minutes before transition to remind her of what is coming next should help immensely.

To encourage compliance:

1.       Insist on eye contact when speaking to her

2.       Keep language simple and straightforward

3.       Simplify, rephrase and/or repeat instructions as needed

4.       Have her repeat what you told her if necessary

Negative consequences are generally ineffective with Reagan.  Gentle, persistent encouragement is most effective as is “1, 2, 3 magic.”

If Reagan is bored or tired, she may enter into her imaginary world.  It is preferable for her to stay in the real world but sometimes she needs a break from the demands of stressful (above her developmental level) situations.

Social

Reagan is a very social child and loves being around people.  She is occasionally socially inappropriate.

She loves to hug others.  “High fives” or a handshake should be encouraged instead of hugs.

Violating the personal space of others is common.   We use the term “personal space bubble” when referring to a violation and she will respond appropriately by moving away.

 

Physical

Reagan has fine motor (small muscles i.e. fingers) and gross motor (large muscles) delays.  She may need assistance with crafts and games.  She generally moves slower than her peers and needs encouragement at times to keep up with the group.

Reagan is a good swimmer and independent in the pool.

Reagan has a permanent pacemaker and cannot play contact sports/games.

She wears her glasses 24/7 (except in the pool) and cannot see without them.

Hygiene

Reagan is independent in self care but may need reminders to complete activities of daily living.

Church Services

Reagan knows what is expected during church services and is generally well-behaved.  She participates fully and takes Communion.

Spiritual Gifts

Reagan has been blessed with many gifts which will enfold before your eyes.  She loves unconditionally and very sensitive to the feelings of others.  She has a joyful spirit that is contagious.  All who take the time to know her will be immensely blessed.

My New Hobby

I do love taking pictures

Of the beauty of God's creation

  My loved ones

 
 My pets

And the places I love to visit

All that is good and lovely

And brings joy to my heart

Our Beloved One

"I have one too,

He's/she's ____"

Today it was  21.

It happens often.  

We're out and about 

And someone locks onto Reagan.  

Their eyes light up and I know...

Because I have one

Our eyes meet and our smiles grow 

Because we understand...

The far reaches of joy

An instantaneous bond  forged

Because we treasure one

Our precious one,

Created in His image

We name our ones

My one is Reagan

She's 17

The words Down syndrome rarely uttered

As the conversation flows

Because genetic material

Doesn't make up the soul

Of our treasured one

It's about places in the heart

Which expand and grow in love

So that love bursts forth

No longer restrained

And joy blossoms

In the gift of

And lessons learned from

Our beloved one

{I have a friend  who doesn't have one witness such a meeting and she was left totally confused at what she saw and heard.  I had to explain it to her and now she knows - and understands because she loves Reagan as her own.}

This is an original composition (as are all my posts) and subject to copyright laws

The Vicar’s Wife and Her New Hat – What I’ve Learned So Far

I wear many hats as a wife, mother, homeschooler, clergy spouse, friend, daughter, and sister.  As with most roles, there is no manual on how to perform the roles we assume in the best manner.  My newest role as clergy spouse has been a role filled with seemingly unknowns.  There were no classes in seminary as to how to walk alongside my husband as he shepherds God’s people.

In retrospect, I can see how I have been formed for this role.  God put people in my life to bring me where I am today.  Like my husband, the good Lord equips those He calls for the journey.  Never fear that you won’t be equipped for the call.

My Formation

I have experience in church leadership - served on the vestry and various committees - and have been very involved with the youth and Altar Guild.  I knew how things worked as we serve the Lord in worship, in the community and in the hierarchy of the church.   

If we are truly blessed, we have a mentor to talk with and learn from.  I’ve had a few slip in and out of my life over the years – women for whom I have a profound respect, as they support and minister alongside their husbands.   Their fleeting presence had a huge impact on how I viewed my new ministry.

As we prayed about the call and then, in obedience took the call, I became a student of other priest’s/pastor’s wives.  I found I admired those who had a gentle presence – those who did not, in a sense, compete with their husbands or parishioners in ministry.  After all, this role isn’t about me.  It is about supporting my husband and the strengths of those who already at work in the Body of Christ – not taking the place over because I might be able to do it better however unlikely that would be.  When others work to glorify God, let them grow according to God’s will.  My gifts will be used in as God sees fit when He sees the need.

I admired those wives who lead by example.  They walk in the Word – not perfectly because none of us do.  They love people, express love and show them how to love others.  Not every person is easy to love.   Nonetheless, the difficult people make the Body whole and we need them.  Often, they are looking for healing but have difficulty expressing their pain. Their needs are unspoken but God knows why they walk with us.

I learned that the power of prayer is huge!  I  pray as I work throughout the day – for my husband and for our congregation.  This isn’t a role for the weak at heart.  People suffer in their daily walk.  People long to become closer to and rely on God more in their sufferings; they often need a little help from a friend whether it be prayers or offering an ear.  Walking alongside them and keeping their confidence(s) is of utmost importance.

 Advice for New Clergy Spouses

Since nobody handed me a clergy spouse manual, I'm assuming one doesn't exist.  If it does, I would love to read it.  For those new to ministry I thought I'd share what I've learned so far:

Study.  Familiarity with the Word, shows us how to walk in the Word with the Body of Christ.

Pray.  Pray for and with your husband.  Pray for his flock.  Pray for those who are suffering in their daily walk.  Pray for the leadership as they work to bring the Gospel to the world and unite the Body of Christ.  Pray for those who don’t know the saving grace of Jesus Christ.  Pray for yourself – that you may be what God has called you to be as a clergy spouse.

Spiritual Warfare.  You and your spouse are on the front lines of a bitter war. Evil wants to invade your heart and soul.   Know it and guard against it with prayer.  Put on the Armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18) every.

Priest Killers.  A new term to me but related to the above.  Be aware that there are a few who exist to destroy ministries. For more on how Evil is at work in the Church, get a copy of "When Sheep Attack" by Dennis Maynard. 

Communication.   Keep it flowing between you and your spouse.  There will be trials and tribulations to weather together.  As we support each other in ministry, open communication is essential in preventing misunderstandings and estrangement.  Because this ministry will consume much of our spouse’s time, we need to remain loving partners communicating together in love. 

Time.  When we have children, it is understood that  they will consume some (or much depending on the age and stage) of our couple time together.  As a couple, it may take some creativity and effort to make time just for the two of you but it is essential, vital even, that you make the effort.

Vocation.  Know that this is an unconventional vocation.  It is not a 9 to 5 job.  Phone calls and hospital emergencies will come at inconvenient times.

Respect for the veil of the confessional and/or counseling sessions.  There will be times when you will not be privileged to know everything that your spouse knows.  Period.

Keeping confidences.  What people choose to discuss  should never escape our mouths unless the parishioner specifically requests that it be shared.  Gossip (or what can be misconstrued as gossip) can kill a congregation.

 

Obedience.  Our husbands have responded in obedience to a call to serve Christ and His Church.  Therefore, we are called to obedience also.  Obedience to conform to the will of God for ourselves, our families and the flock He has chosen for us to shepherd.

Charity.  Pray that your heart exudes charity for your spouse, family and God’s people.  It is easy when working in a “people profession” to fall into a pattern of cynicism – especially about sin.  We are all sinful, broken people working to glorify God in a broken world. 

Perfection.  Forget about it.  It just doesn't exist in our human condition.  There is no "perfect" clergy wife.  Yes, you and your family will be scrutinized heavily as are all clergy families, however, this isn't about being perfect.  All our lives, we are called to walk with Jesus, to strive to holiness.  We walk with the broken.  Walk in faith beside them.

Politics.  Confession - I am a political animal.   I am fascinated by church politics.  I don't talk about politics with my church family but do talk about how we can best glorify God during these difficult times

Mentor/Spiritual Director.  This is not an easy vocation. At times, there will be struggles -  internal or external.  Have a support system in place before the need for support arises. 

I do so love my vicar’s wife hat.  It is made of  a rich woven fabric that is the lives of those who attend our church and beyond.  In all my years, I’ve never been a part of a faith community that truly revolves around the love of Christ.  Now, I know and am blessed by it.  They are my teachers and I try to keep my eyes  on Jesus because this is really all about Him.  This is a ministry based on relationships – as are all the roles I’ve assumed.  As long as we keep Christ in the center, we will all bear the fruits of our relationship with Him and one another.

AND glorify God!